At this time of year, when every form of media imaginable — from commercials, movies, and television to magazines and newspapers — are promoting the “warm glow” of holiday happiness and family togetherness, it might seem like you’re alone if you are not feeling the Christmas spirit. Well, you’re not. I just thought maybe you might want to hear that.
So don’t beat yourself up if you’re just “not feelin’ it.” There’s a ton a reasons why you might not be in the holiday mood (and who says you need a reason anyhow?). Below I will attempt to counteract the superficial “perfectness” being thrust upon you for commercial gain. And promise me, if you’re really struggling, reach out and ask for help (here is a suicide hotline for USA, hotline numbers for Canada, and one for hotline numbers worldwide).
Perfect Family
Holiday movies with family togetherness are on every second television channel at this time of year. If your family isn’t the picture perfectness of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” then you’re normal. It’s like women’s fashions. They show you all the clothes on super-thin teenage girls to sell you the “fantasy” — everyone knows the average woman is a size 12-14, not a size 0-2. Sure, lots of families gather at this time of year. But if your family doesn’t … then, it just doesn’t. Do something else — when you really think about it, it’s just a day, like any other day.
Don’t be blinded by the magical, snow-globe world portrayed in the media. People’s families don’t all of a sudden shed their dysfunction because its holiday season, nor does every single person magically bump into their “true love” just in time for Christmas either. (Also, trust me, being “a couple” is really not mandatory for attending parties and dinners. Really. It’s YOU that matters. You are more than enough — just the way you are.)
That also means that people can’t all of a sudden make sadness or tragic losses disappear either. If you’ve lost a loved one, you might feel like skipping Christmas altogether, like Heather Hamilton and her family chose to do after the death of one of their sons. And that’s okay; do what feels right for you. That’s what Heather did, and what she recommends to others who might be in her shoes.
Perfect Finances
The economy has been a roller coaster ride, with a lot of downs. So you might be one of the many struggling to juggle the pressure of presents versus keeping your finances under control. Do whatever you can to avoid buying gifts on credit and instead buy what you can with what you have. Despite the advertisements with diamonds and cars, most adults don’t need more stuff. Like Gwen Leron notes, collecting memories is far more satisfying than collecting things.
Now, I know this sounds easier said than done, right? But avoiding financial stress is more important than buying a gift. Seriously. I bet most people don’t even remember what someone gave them less than a week later. But you’ll have that financial stress from buying it for far longer than that.
Instead, create a list of everyone you “must buy” for (By “must,” I’m thinking perhaps your young children who don’t yet understand finances or a mandatory Kris Kringle exchange at work. Everyone else like teachers or an uncle you rarely see, I would categorize those as “duty” gifting. Don’t give gifts out of a misplaced feeling of duty. Gifts are not a duty.) From your “must buy” list, use the fact that young children tend to remember volume rather than quality or price tags to your advantage — hit the Dollar Store, consider some fun gifting games (the experience, not the gift is what is remembered), and borrow some of Canadian Living magazine’s creative ways to keep on budget.
Perfect Moms
This is a syndrome I know well — the perfect Mom syndrome … otherwise known as, how does she do it? I wish I knew the answer to that for you, but I just don’t. I recall one of my friends confessing to me in tears that she hadn’t sent out Christmas cards that particular year. You wouldn’t believe how relieved she was to hear that I hadn’t managed to get cards out for YEARS now. She thought she was the only woman on the planet who hadn’t managed it.
Sure, we all know those moms who are extremely talented when it comes to baking, crafting or hosting at holidays — sometimes even all three! But let’s just applaud their talents and skip the self-flagellation, okay? Would it make you feel any better to know that my son’s junior kindergarten teacher called me at work today to let me know that all the children were supposed to be wearing pajamas for the school Christmas concert and that little Max was feeling a bit concerned because I had sent him in regular clothes? (Don’t worry, girlfriend, I got your back — I brought in an extra pair of PJs in case some other poor mother who got the same call but wasn’t able to make it in to the school in time.) I’m not perfect. And that “perfect” mom? She’s not perfect, either. No matter how it might appear to you.
Perfect is for Commercials
Remember when I said that commercials were bad for my mental health? Yeah, well, that applies about a hundred times over at Christmas. Turn off what you can. Critically examine the rest. Christmas doesn’t need to be a “perfect” day and neither do you.
If you don’t have any Christmas cheer this year … just move along. It’ll all be over soon enough and normality will resume again (along with, thankfully, my favourite television shows!).
(A final note: If you are really struggling, please reach out for help. To someone you know or someone you don’t — whichever is easiest for you. People want to help. They really do. Whether it’s letting someone know that you’re feeling lonely, a bit sad, or really depressed … it’s okay to say so.)
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